Timing of Dates

So after a few disappointments in November, things turned around for a bit and even, to an extent, got to be a little stressful in terms of dates because I was spending time with more than just one really great woman--and it kind of saddened me to think that I would have to eventually settle on just one, assuming one would have me for something serious.

Interstates I've Driven and Ridden On 2

It's been a couple of years since I last updated this, so I thought it might be good to feature this map again. Trips (by bus and car) to Indiana and (by car) to Raleigh, North Carolina, and within parts of Colorado mean I've seen a few other roads.

And if you find the map above interesting, someone else has a whole set of U.S. maps about linguistic differences from place to place around the country that you can find here. I often don't seem to fall into either the California or the Deep South camp; I have no idea why my pronunciations are so generally strange (for example, I say q-pon, not koo-pon for coupon, which apparently is odd just about everywhere).

Time Spent with Friends in May 2013

I decided to break down how much time I spend with various friends and acquaintances, so I kept a log during the month of May. What surprised me was how little time I spend one-on-one in person with anyone--or at least, how little time I did so in May. One friend barely shows up here, Al. I imagine he'd at least get a couple of hours one-on-one each month most months, but he was bedridden most of May, so we stuck to short phone conversations.

The chart shows time spent with friends in groups (for example, at parties--in fact, mostly at parties), on the phone, and one-on-one face-to-face. Time spent at organized activities I have to attend--namely work or church--are not counted. 

The Dating Game

I don't know how one can win this game, but I keep on playing.

Obviously, I created this chart in one of my more cynical moods. Seems like I've been rolling mostly threes and fives (with a few short-term sixes) in the last few years, though I haven't completed my second turn in one case yet--I'm still hoping a die will prove to have a seventh side and send me spinning into that ring. I suppose I should be happy I've even had a die to roll with the last few years, because I've gone long spans without even a chance.

Nationalities

Because my ancestors are relatively recent immigrants to this country, I still know just how much I am the various nationalities that make up me. I am as follows: 

Women in My Life as an Adult

Until about a week ago, I'd never had an official girlfriend--that is, a girl I was seeing exclusively who was also seeing me exclusively, with an eye toward marriage (sometimes I've had an eye on a gal and spent time with her and not had anyone else in my life, but when we finally got to "the talk," I've always learned she just saw me as a friend; likewise, there have been a few times when I had more than one gal in my life, which led to my own inability to be decisive, and I ended up losing out on all the women, usually in quick succession--something that almost happened to me again this past spring). Anyway, I was talking the other day with a rather consistent phone companion over the first half of 2013, and she noted that I probably always had some gal who was a friend who I spent time with to kill the loneliness. I said sometimes, but I didn't think that had been the case with me most of my adult life. Hence, I decided to do a graph to see. Below are women I averaged probably at least an hour with on the phone or in person each week during a particular span of time (these are estimates; it's likely I've undercounted time spent with a few women along the way and they're not showing up, just as I've likely overcounted time spent with a few of these women):

Pretty much, I've only had such "relationships" since graduating from college. Of those, the longest was a strictly platonic friendship--I had no romantic intentions and the woman knew this. Right around age thirty--the end of my time in Texas and the start of my time here--I had quite a few women in my life; unfortunately, none of them ended up quite suiting me. Since then, I've tried to stick to mostly spending that much time with women only when I had some real intentions toward them. It's not that I wouldn't have a platonic friendship again that involved as much time as that (or those--since most of the gals in Texas were women who I dated who turned into platonic friends) in the late 1990s; it's just that I've been more focused on trying to find someone I'd actually want to settle down with. Unfortunately, I lost out on the few women I'd gone for since about 2003, sometimes because I was unwilling to commit but most of the time because the woman didn't like me in that mysterious way. Quite a few women I've had a strong interest in don't show up here because I could only manage to get smaller snatches of time from them. Since 2010 I'd been fairly blessed by women's presence (though I keep expecting a return to a more consistently quiet and depressing time, as that has seemed more typical of my adult life).

Interest in and Success with "Ideal" Women

I'm defining "ideal" here in a most basic way: never married, no kids, of my faith, within my preferred age range (eight years younger to four years older). I'm then adding in the degree to which, with those basic concrete variables, I was actually interested. I am doing this because I occasionally spend time with women who don't meet this criteria, and I want to get into my head just how slim the chances of a woman who meets such standards showing return interest is likely to be.

Here, over the past thirteen years, are the number of women who never responded to messages, who responded a few times before dropping correspondence or explicitly rejecting me, who have stayed in correspondence but whom I have never asked out because of my own lack of interest, who rejected me after the first date, and who accepted more than one date. Also denoted are the degree to which I was myself interested in or attracted to these women. I'm basing most this off a singles site devoted to my faith, a site on which I contact every person so that I don't have to feel like I'm trying to pick anyone up, which tends to make me self-conscious, and on a few people/dates I actually recall.

Looks like the chances of getting a date are about 20 percent, which isn't as bad as I thought. However, only one gal of high interest to me (only two total) who meets this criteria has accepted more than one date in the past thirteen years (and none of mid interest; unfortunately, I only got two dates with that other high-interest girl). When considering that the pool of church women from which I'm drawing is about fifty (and finding women outside that pool is difficult), a 4 to 6 percent total for more than one date doesn't actually bode very well. And that's why I opened myself up to dating a mother, and I'm glad that I did.